BEREAVED PARENTS OF NORTH TEXAS

WELCOME

Welcome to you who are receiving this newsletter for the first time and to our regular members. We are a self-help organization offering nonjudgmental friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. BP purposes are to aid these persons in the positive resolution of their grief and to foster their physical and emotional health. Our chapter meets in a donated church facility, but no religious creed or affiliation is involved. Persons of all faiths (or no faith), creeds, and races are welcome! We have no dues, and no one is required to speak at any meeting. Listening is OK. If you need us, we’re here for you. If you do not need help yourself, please bring your compassionate understanding to those who need the support of other bereaved parents, siblings, or grandparents.

NEXT MEETINGS:

17 JUNE

15 JULY

WHERE WE MEET

The Bereaved Parents of North Texas meets regularly on the third Monday of each month at 7:15 pm in the Flynn Hall Lounge of the First United Methodist Church, 201 S. Locust Street, Denton, Texas. (For directions, please see the map on the back page.) Babysitting available: SEE BELOW

Please Note: Our meeting in January will be held on January 13, 2003 instead of our usual third Monday. February will be back on schedule.

BABYSITTING AT BPNT MEETINGS?

Parents who need babysitting at our monthly meetings should contact Marsha San Miguel no later than the Friday before our Monday meetings. This way she can be available for babysitting. Contact Marsha at

marshasanmiguel@hotmail.com

940-453-2009 (church)

940-271-2000 (home)

Different people grieve in different ways and differently at different times. Poems, thoughts, and meditations that speak to the core of one person’s feelings leave another untouched. If you read something that touches you and that you want to share with others, please send it to Denis Paz at the masthead address (with information on where you found it) and, space permitting, I’ll include it in our pages.

COMING UP IN JUNE…

Helen Edmundson will be with us to speak on “Strange and Unusual Happenings”. People who have been an integral part of our lives, with whom we have had an intense emotional relationship, continue to have a contact with us that transcends our understanding.

LOVING LISTENERS

Your telephone links you to a loving listener. Do you need to talk about your child's life and death with someone who truly understands your anguish? Those listed below have volunteered to listen and to try to help you. By allowing others to help you, you also are helping others. If no one answers at one number, please call another. Give us a call. It helps to talk!

Shirley & R.D. Cawyer • (940) 668-7117 • auto/train accident

LaFaun Martin • (940) 665-3979 • auto accident

RECENT LOVE GIFTS

The BPNT Chapter has the following Donation Programs:

• Monthly Newsletter

• Postage

• Newly Bereaved Letters

• Library Book Fund

• General Operations of the Chapter

• Bereaved Parents of the USA

Your tax-deductible donation to BP is a good way to remember your child or to honor another family member or friend. Please mail your checks and the name or names of your memorial or honoree to Robert Ottman, Treasurer, BPNT, 415 Mimosa DR, Denton, TX 76201. Love Gifts came from:

♥ Bill & Theresa Gladys in loving memory of their son, Jason.

CHAPTER OFFICERS

Moderator . . . . . .Shannon Ratliff-Johnson & Virginia Gallian

Secretary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shirley Ottman

Membership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Richardson

Treasurer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bob Ottman

Newsletter Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . Denis Paz & Beth Reynolds

Greeters . . . . . . . . . . . . Wanda Edington & Virgie Richardson

Supplies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Louise Ferry

LET US REMEMBER . . .

June Birthdays

- Tamara R. Robinson June 3, 1974

Daughter of Rica Holtzinger

- Maladie Ann Morrison June 17, 1951

Daughter of Maladie Kubicek

June Anniversaries

- Cari Crews June 7, 1993

Daughter of Earl & Risa Crews

- Tamara R. Robinson June 10, 2000

Daughter of Rica Holtzinger

- Robert S. Dean June 15, 1992

Son of Sandra Butters

PLEASE NOTE: The editors regret any misspelled names, incorrect dates, or any names omitted. Please contact Beth Reynolds with any corrections or additions at bethreyn@centurytel.net, 940-321-3302; fax 940-497-4790 or 8 Crest CT, Hickory Creek, TX 75065.

A Father Speaks

Driving to work with the radio on, I sit next to a fellow co-worker and friend in the passenger seat. It’s early in the morning, and the conversation is light. A song reminds me of Jesse, my deceased son, so I tell a story about Jesse. A cloud of silence and dread fills the car. My friend shifts his position, and I can feel how uncomfortable he is. I swallow the memories of Jesse and switch the conversation to last night’s ball game. Sound familiar? It’s painful to your friends to hear about your deceased child, and it’s painful for you to silence your memories, too.

Certain studies claim that women are social beings and are more able to communicate their emotions than are men. The same studies state that men are mostly competitive and tend to hide their negative emotions, such as sadness or grief, especially from other men.

Does that mean that men have less need to deal with their emotions? I don’t think so. From personal experiences and experiences of other men whom I have known, grief is one emotion that demands relief. Without grief recovery, grief can become a destructive force that at some point can consume you—your physical as well as your mental and spiritual health.

Bereavement support groups remind us that we need not walk alone. From a man’s viewpoint, I think our support group’s monthly gatherings offer an important avenue for men to work through the grief recovery process. Other doors are often shut to men who need to discuss their anger, guilt, sadness, and even happy memories concerning their deceased children. Let’s talk with and listen to each other.

--Jim Hobbs, Bereaved Parents of North Texas

(Where Are All The Butterflies?)

“In three words

I can sum up everything

I have learned about life--

It goes on.”

--Robert Frost

(Of Frost’s six children, two died in infancy, one by suicide and one after giving birth)

The Origin Of Father’s Day

Sonora Smart Dodd of Washington State proposed the idea of the “Father’s Day” in 1909 to honor her father, William Smart. Mr. Smart, a Civil War veteran, raised his 6 children (including Sonora) by himself on a rural farm in Eastern Washington State after his wife (Sonora’s mother) died in childbirth with their 6^th child.

The first Father’s Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane, Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across the USA, the other people began to celebrate the Father’s Day. In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father’s Day, but it took many years until 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson finally signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3^rd Sunday of every June.

Father’s Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all to be honored on Father’s Day.

NATIONAL GATHERING

JUNE 28-30, 2002

The St. Bernard, Louisiana, Chapter is hosting the event and has chosen the theme:

Together We Remember

Together We Grieve

Together We Grow

Please contact Laurie Myers 504-271-9532 or 504-388-7827 for any details.

Sundown Memories

The languid, lazy summer sun

Brings a reverie of relaxation.

The beach days of yellow glint and ocean spray,

Tickling our toes and our imaginations.

I think of small daughters and days gone by:

Ice cream cones and wet bathing suits,

Blazing campfires and golden marshmallows,

Squirt gun laughter and library lounging.

I remember sharing daylight and fun

With two small giggling girls.

They are much older now,

But my sundown memories keep them forever tiny.

In 1777, the Continental Congress adopted the Stars and Stripes pattern for the national flag. This would follow almost one year after the Declaration of Independence and more than a decade before the U.S. Constitution was finalized. Flag Day was first celebrated in 1877, the centennial of the U.S. flag's existence. After that many citizens and organizations advocated the adoption of a national day of commemoration for the U.S. Flag. It was not until 1949, that President Harry Truman signed legislation making Flag Day a day of national observance.

I walk that path so often

In these subsequent times

Hoping for one glimpse of you

Among the dark pines.

I stand in the sunshine

And search for your bright smile,

Your golden hair

Against the blue-eyed sky.

I drive that road every day

And nearing that hill pray

That over its crest I find

Your slim, tall figure

Slouching home.

We are propelled into the future

Like a semi on our bumper

Every moment farther from those we loved

And who loved us.

We leave forever behind

The hour we last shared

And any last chance

To offer a caring word

A kindness, or needed help

To save, or at least ease

The loneliness and pain,

Or just simply afford us now

Some small fragment of peace.

They tell me you are at peace

I neither know nor care

You should be here with us

But never will again.

So in this aching emptiness

I spend my hours

In some sense waiting

To someday be with you.

--Author Unknown

This Newsletter produced and distributed In Loving Memory of Rona Thompson by her parents, Jerry and Beth Reynolds.

Fathers’ Day

Mothers’ Day is a bittersweet day to me. I feel very lucky to have a surviving child and a wonderful grandchild. I realize that there are many parents who do not have any children to celebrate with, and my heart breaks for them. At the same time that I delight in what remains for them, and I remember the child who is missing. That emptiness cannot be filled.

I thought about Fathers’ Day coming up, and I think of the pain all bereaved fathers will endure. On top of that pain, I feel that society has added a tremendous burden. Fathers are supposed to be strong for everyone else. They aren’t asked how are you doing? They are asked instead, how’s your wife holding up? They aren’t supposed to cry in public; their male co-workers and counterparts don’t want to hear about their grief. Fathers often feel isolated and alone in their grief.

I’d like to tell all bereaved fathers that it’s normal to hurt; it’s normal to cry. If you want to talk about your pain or your child, or just cry, a support group is a safe place to do all of that. No one will think that you are weak, or make any other judgments of you. We all understand. It’s OK.

I’d also like to say that I’m sure that most, if not all of your wives know that you feel just as much grief as they do. Try talking to your spouse if you haven’t already. You cannot cause your spouse any more pain by talking together, and it might even help. I hope your Father’s Day is peaceful.

--Brenda Hobbs, Bereaved Parents of North Texas

(Where Are All The Butterflies?)

LIFE

Life is a gift to be used every day,
Not to be smothered and hidden away;
It isn't a thing to be stored in the chest
Where you gather your keepsakes and treasure your best;
It isn't a joy to be sipped now and then
And promptly put back in a dark place again.

Life is a gift that the humblest may boast of
And one that the humblest may well make the most of.
Get out and live it each hour of the day,
Wear it and use it as much as you may;
Don't keep it in niches and corners and grooves,
You'll find that in service its beauty improves.

--Edgar A. Guest

"Don't Worry About Me Dad"

You don't have to worry about me anymore,

All of those nights wasted pacing the floor.

So afraid that the phone would ring,

Terrified of the news it could bring.

I wasn't a very easy son to raise,

I gave you a run for your money on most days.

You tried with all you had to make me understand,

That the path I was taking was to a no man's land.

No, you don't have to worry anymore,

Sweet Jesus and his angels met me at the Door.

They filled me with a love that set my heart ablaze,

And suddenly, I could see the error of my ways.

I now realize I caused much anguish and pain,

I'm so sorry for it all, I had nothing to gain.

But Heaven is so beautiful, I've found peace you see, And I'll be waiting for you Dad, to celebrate Jesus with me.

Mother’s Day/Father’s Day

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be both heart wrenching and heart-warming for bereaved parents. Surviving children recognize their parents’ loss and their own losses; and in their effort to regain a kind of normalcy, they often try to make these special days as festive and as full of love as they possibly can. Most parents recognize the efforts of their surviving children and try to respond with enthusiasm, however difficult it may be at the time.

As much as bereaved parents love and appreciate their living children, no bereaved parent can forget the child (or children) now missing from the family circle. Fractured families are never quite the same as they once were. Parents can be especially saddened when Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are touted in every department store and gift shop. Yet even these parents (for parenthood does not die with children) may find that memories ease the stress of these special days when time has permitted their own working through the grieving process.

--Shirley Cognard Ottman,

Bereaved Parents of North Texas

(The Slender Thread)

WELCOME

June Birthdays

NATIONAL GATHERING

JUNE 28-30, 2002

Please mail your check to Robert Ottman, Treasurer, BPNT, 415 Mimosa Dr., Denton, Texas, 76201