Parents who need baby-sitting
at our monthly meetings should contact Jessica prior to the last Sunday
of the month for our 3rd Monday meetings. This way she can arrange for
the sitter. Contact Jessica at:
940-382-5478
COMING UP IN APRIL . . .
Some of the basic tenets of the
Bereaved Parents/NT is that we a) welcome all bereaved parents without
regard to religion, race, social class, or ethnic origin and b) respect
different answers members may find as we explore the dilemmas and discoveries
our grief has brought to our spiritual beliefs.
We will welcome two speakers who
will share their perspectives or viewpoints.
"Red" Nash (a bereaved
parent) will share the Native American Dakota heritage which is an oral
tradition. He said he likes question and answer sessions.
Rev. Bill Crouch, longtime respected
community member and minister at the First United Methodist Church,
will bring the Christian viewpoint to our discussion.
These presenters will share their
faith as we all search to restore, repair, rethink, or re–establish
our faith after our children’s deaths.
You
will not be cured,
But...one day -
an idea that will horrify you now -
this intolerable misfortune will
become a blessed
memory of a being who will
never again leave you.
But you are in a stage of unhappiness
where it is impossible for you to have
faith in these reassurances.
––Marcel
Proust
1871–1922
LOVING LISTENERS
Your telephone links you to
a loving listener. Do you need to talk about your child's life and
death with someone who truly understands your anguish? Those listed
below have volunteered to listen and to try to help you. By allowing
others to help you, you also are helping others. If no one answers
at one number, please call another. Give us a call. It helps to talk!
Shirley & RD
Cawyer Y 940-668-7717 Yauto/train
accident
Beth Reynolds
Y 940-321-3302 Y
auto accident
Dale & Shannon
Johnson Y 940-591-8539
Ystillbirth
| |
Share your child...
Submit stories about your child and/or pictures if possible for
future newsletters. I would like to have something to post in the
newsletter that pertains to your child during the month of their
birthday, anniversary, holiday or any other month. Specify which
you prefer to see it published. Either mail to the newsletter address
or email to Beth Reynolds at bethreyn@centurytel.net. |
NEXT MEETINGS
21 APRIL
19 MAY
The Keeper of Time
You make friends
because you have things in common.
We are friends because of our children.
The older one; the younger ones,
The one who never had a chance to breathe.
They are our reason for being,
Our heart beat, our life’s blood.
Whether we have lots of memories or
We are joined by an unbreakable bond.
We are the ones left behind to carry the torch for those we remember
so lovingly.
We are there for ourselves and each other, because we understand the
pain of loss.
We must also be there for those who unfortunately join our ranks.
Because we are parents of lost children the bruised hearts, the keepers
of memories.
––Cheryl
Pelletier
Lovingly lifted from the BP of Springfield newsletter
| LET US REMEMBER . .
|
| |
| April Birthdays |
|
|
| - Sarah
Alison Cawyer |
April
08, 1971 |
|
Daughter
of RD & Shirley Cawyer |
| - Virginia
Lozano |
April 11, 1966 |
|
Daugther of Anna
Farish |
| -
Krista L. Wilson |
April
21, 1987 |
|
Daughter
of Pam & Dominic Falcinelli |
| - Brian "Matt"
Goodman |
April
24, 1983 |
|
Son
of Russell & Vickie Goodman |
| - Tommy Lee Belcher |
April
04, 2002 |
| Son
of Maydell Belcher |
| - Emily Michelle
Boerner |
April
17, 2002 |
Daughter
of Judy Boerner |
Granddaughter
of Robert & Jenette Mayer |
| - Heather Joann
Griffeth |
April
21, 2002 |
Granddaughter
of Nolen & Rosemary Griffeth |
PLEASE NOTE: The editors regret
any misspelled names, incorrect dates, or any names omitted. Please
contact Beth Reynolds with any corrections or additions at bethreyn@centurytel.net;
940-321-3302; fax 940-497-4790 or 8 Crest CT Hickory Creek TX 75065.
Send in Your Butterfly Stories...
Judy Hominick, presented a workshop
on butterfly gardening for the 2001 Gathering in Dallas. She reports
that, “I have been amazed to hear stories from people about encounters
with butterflies. The stories also show a comforting connection between
butterflies and the death of someone close. For instance, when a dozen
monarchs were released at a memorial service held for a young girl’s
mother who had died, all the butterflies flew off until one returned
to briefly perch on the shoulder of the young girl.
She asks that if you have had
a similar experience with a butterfly and a loss and would like to share
it for possible inclusion in a book which she is writing, she would
like you to contact her at:
Judy
Hominick
8619 Richardson Branch Trail
Dallas, TX 75243
web site: www.riverrunning.com
Email: hominick @swbell.net |
|
CHAPTER OFFICERS
Moderator . .
.Shannon Ratliff-Johnson & Virginia Gallian
Secretary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.Shirley Ottman
Membership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Tom
Richardson
Treasurer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . Bob Ottman
Newsletter Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Beth
Reynolds
Greeters. . . . . . . . . .Wanda Edington & Virgie Richardson
Supplies. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . Louise Ferry
The Once Christmas Cactus
I bought a Christmas cactus
vibrantly abloom to brighten family holidays in 1985. My daughter
thought it beautiful. Then take it home with you, I said; but she
said, No. The cat would make short of it. And so, the Christmas season
gone, I placed it in a window sill in her old room.
That was mid–January. Four months later, she was dead. I don’t
remember much about that spring or summer; buy by fall, I found that
Christmas cactus, dry and shriveled, framed against a window pane.
It seemed too cruel an irony that it should die upon that sill–
–within the room that had been hers– –the Christmas
cactus she had so admired. Desperate and tearful, I vowed to nurse
it back to health. What I could no longer do for her, I ‘d surely
do for this poor plant. Amazingly, it lived.
It did not bloom at Christmas time that year.
Instead, it bloomed on Easter day the following year. And every year
thereafter its blossoms herald Easter tides instead of Christmas seasons.
I never understood this strange phenomenon– –a Christmas
cactus blooming four months late– –for several years.
Then finally my grateful heart observed life’s affirmation in
the cactus’ blooms: She lives. She lives.
 |
––Shirley
Cognard Ottman
BP North Texas
The Slender Thread |
Our Credo
We are the parents whose children
have died. We are the grandparents who have buried grandchildren.
We are the siblings whose brothers and sisters no longer walk with
us through life. We come together as Bereaved Parents of the USA to
provide a haven where all bereaved families can meet and share our
long and arduous grief journeys. We attend monthly gatherings whenever
we can and for as long as we believe necessary. We share our fears,
confusion, anger, guilt, frustrations, emptiness and feelings of hopelessness
so that hope can be found anew. As we accept, support, comfort and
encourage each other, we demonstrate to each other that survival is
possible. Together we celebrate the lives of our children, share the
joys and triumphs as well as the love that will never fade. Together
we learn how little it matters where we live, what our color or our
affluence is or what faith we uphold as we confront the tragedies
of our children's deaths. Together, strengthened by the bonds we forge
at our gatherings, we offer what we have learned to each other and
to every more recently bereaved family. We are the Bereaved Parents
of the USA.
We welcome you.
| |
Thanks to all who contributed music for the second cd that Frank
created. What a great mix of music it turned out to be.
It is so touching
to hear the music that makes each
of you think of your child either because it was
a song they loved or just because&.
Thanks Frank, for
all you do!
|
The Seasons of
Grief
The seasons take
on new meanings when a child dies. The snow of winter melts into the
first breath of spring. How well I remember the first spring of my
grief. I looked forward eagerly to its coming...surely when the long
dark days of winter are past...surely spring will be better!
How surprised I was at tears springing forth with the discovery of
each new crocus and every bursting bud and spring flower. Yes, spring
was beautiful, but oh, so sad, that first year without my son to share
it with. For suddenly I realized that it was he who gave me my first
crocus bulb and all, when he was 5! And he who gave me my first bedding
plants for Mother’s Day each year.
And now, the Lenten season unfolds once more, and I’m aware
of other bereaved parents who will withdraw to the privacy of their
personal and painful world of memories with this new season for them.
Ash Wednesday...Easter...Passover for my Jewish friends...these are
a totally new experience in the first years of grief. The liturgical
words are a thousand years old; yet tears blur the painful newfound
meaning.
TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE. Take time for memories of other Easters. Take
time to mourn what might have been. Indulge yourself in the beauty
of an Easter Lily. Don’t be afraid if at first there seems more
pain than comfort in the age old words and the beautiful music of
Easter. And never be ashamed of your tears. One day you too will say,
“It is finished”.
To walk through grief is not easy. When the shock and numbness have
gone, we are left with reality. The reality that life includes pain
and loss. Easter is a season of many feelings...a time of pain and
loss. It is also a time of rebirth. And of personal growth. So, also,
are the Season’s of Grief.
––
Shirley Melin
TCF, Aurora, IL
The Elephant in
the Room
There’s an
elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with “How are you?” and “I’m
fine”
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else—except the elephant in the room.
There’s an
elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please say
her name.
Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say “Barbara”
to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
Alone...in a room...
With an elephant.
–– Terry
Kettering,
Bereavement Magazine
Grief is a
great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living.
We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves,
are bowed with
sorrow. We learn when to keep silence in their
presence, and when a word will assure them of our love and concern.
–– Gates
of Prayer
Reform Judaism Prayer book
Death’s
Aftermath
(To a recently bereaved parent)
Just a little
while ago I walked where you are walking now.
Your child
was special, too., I know, and was quite different from mine.
Yet love is
love and death is death and pain is pain. Your pain is mine; my
pain is yours.
Come, friend,
let us search for hope together.
– Shirley
Ottman
BP North Texas
It’s
Ok To Cry
“There is
a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness,
but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand
tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of
deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
–
–Washington Irving
I would like to say no
matter how each of us feel about the war going on in Iraq,
these young soldiers are doing the jobs they signed up to
do for their country. Please keep them and their families
here at home in your thoughts and prayers during these hard
times. As we are well aware some of these parents, siblings
and grandparents will be walking the down the path we know
so well.
Beth Reynolds,
newsletter editor
BP North Texas
|
For
every grave
where a soldier lies
at his rest
For every
prayer
that is said today
out of love
For each
sigh
of remembering
someone who died
Let us also
give thought to
the mothers and fathers
the brothers and sisters
the friends and the lovers
whom death left behind.
– –Sascha from Wintersun |
A fellowship for
bereaved parents
You need not walk
alone!
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